SCREAMING – my first minute of the day was my son screaming over and over from downstairs “MOM MOM MOM” at the top of his lungs and as loudly as he could. He knew I was getting dressed to come down and I’d be right there. But he was screaming.
The rest of the day went like this:
Pounding, jumping, running, stomping, YELLING YELLING YELLING, throwing, hitting, breaking, crushing, jumping jumping jumping, TALKING VERY VERY LOUDLY, running jumping crazy, throwing, breaking, YELLING YELLING YELLING, ……..
You are thinking – well, he is a boy, he should be doing these things.
No. This is excessive even for a sensory child – even for my child.
Today was too much. For MY senses.
We had some friends over – he played for 4 whole hours with another child until she was completely exhausted. We went to the park, we played outside, we did sensory work, we did a craft project, we played Wii we really did a lot. Yesterday we were outside half the day at the zoo, and did errands after. We were both exhausted.
He should have had some calm today.
At this moment he is sitting in his bath playing at my insistence – I told him if he didn’t splash loud I wasn’t letting him out, screaming 3 words over and over and over again with all the force his diaphragm can handle. Through a plastic funnel. He doesn’t want to be in there, but if he doesn’t do something with this energy I will snap.
He crushed plastic cups, he broke plastic golf clubs pounding things, he hit his friend in the eye with a pokey thing, he stomped, he built a tower out of cushions as big as my head and jumped from them.
This day was so explosive I don’t even know how to process if. I am exhausted.
Maybe he had too much sugar yesterday. He did have a lot of sugar. (not all my fault)
Maybe he just had to get this energy out.
I don’t know.
All I know is that I (and I think truly any decent parent) can understand how child abuse happens. I am not saying I want to hurt my child. I haven’t even entertained the thought. I just think that I can understand how someone with less self control, less education, less coping skills, less parenting example, less kindness, less ability to BREATHE DEEPLY, less resources (mental, physical, emotional, etc) loose it sometimes. I can understand how after someone has accepted what feels like the last straw they can handle, and ONE MORE straw gets screamed/yelled/pounded/pushed/bit on top of it, and they have done all they can all day long to handle the situation like a kind, caring, giving parent….
I can understand how people loose that self control.
Thankful tonight for that realization. For the realization that even a good parent can get to a point where they have to throw their kid in the bath for 15 minutes to let them steam and bubble it out and to let the parent breathe it out and give them both a second to BREATHE DEEPLY.
That realization is what stands between me and the person I described above.
And a trampoline. Tomorrow my husband is buying and setting up a trampoline if it kills him. And our budget.
Having a sensory processing child is expensive.