Shattered Dreams

What I remember my dreams of my adulthood looking like:

I would be a doctor with a handsome husband that made more money than I did. We would have a huge house that somehow seemed to sparkle. And had rainbows. And a pool. And probably some rock music. We would have 2 beautiful kids – a boy and a girl who were twins. Named Journee and Jade. I don’t know which was which – but does it really matter with names like that? I would drive a cool car and probably have my own plane. We would go on awesome family vacations to places like France and Egypt.

What my life is really like:

Today I had two very different episodes that basically describe my entire life.

First: I pick my son up from preschool and have to sit in the parking lot consoling him for about 10 minutes because he is so hysterical I can’t even buckle him in. What was wrong? We haven’t gone on family vacation “ever”. We can’t get a dog because we are renting a home which doesn’t allow pets because we can’t buy yet because of medical bills. (Luke, I blame you for this one. Not cancer or my spending – you.) He is leaving his preschool of two years to go to a new school in the fall. But it doesn’t start until fall. He will miss his friends and teachers. I told him we can see his friends over the summer which started the dog problem again. Because if he had a dog he wouldn’t be lonely. AND he doesn’t have a brother or sister. Of course it came out in 5 year old tears and screaming – which sounds a lot less “sensible” than what I have written here. *Apparently* I am a failure as a mom.

Second: 

In order to get us both out of our funk I decided to let him relax for half an hour after we got home, then we went to a new park we love. When we got there he immediately found another “different” little boy and they hit if off famously. They chased each other around, splashed, swung, climbed, slid, dug, looked at a fire truck, and bothered a pair of police men all in the span of 2 hours. It was “the best day EVER” according to my son. I am the BEST mother ever, *apparently*.

Yes – we are a little dramatic. Both of us.

So, no sparkly houses or pools. Medical bills. No big awesome career for me. In fact I dropped out of college to… well to go completely insane as I remember it. No dog. 

I DO have a handsome husband who makes more money than I do. A beautiful son. And all the love I could want. I guess it evens out in the end.  

 

 

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