Anger

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”
― Mark Twain

It has been a hard 2 weeks and 2 days. We lost our Mom on June 13, 2012 to her battle with alzheimers. I have not been able to write about it yet. I feel that one will have to wait until I get home and can sit and ponder a while. Please excuse my absence.

But today, today I need to purge myself about one particular subject.

Anger.

I learned quite a while ago that raging (against machine or man) is rarely productive. Sure, in battle it can give you the drive, the passion, the energy you need. Take the berzerkers of old. Their anger made them legendary. However I live in a time and place where battle is rarely physical. It is usually emotional, mental, philosophical, and political. Anger does not always serve these battles best.

What happens, however, when anger comes to your door? When anger seeps inside you and wells up in you working it’s way up from the toes? What happens when that anger gets the fires in your blood going and you can’t seem to put them out?

I have known real anger before. Anger over wrongs done to me. Anger over my circumstances, or the people I loved who’s circumstances didn’t seem fair. I spent years of my life trying to quell that anger (and other emotions) enough to function. Ironically, cancer helped me learn that. Guess what? Life’s not fair. Then you die. Hopefully not from the cancer you were just diagnosed with. Does it help to be angry at cancer? No, in fact, many experts would tell you it does the opposite. That being angry at cancer – being stressed out about it – feeds the cancer, helps it to grow.

So, if anger feeds cancer… What else does it feed? Hatred? Envy? Wrath? Violence? Pain? Destruction? Division? Yes. All of these and more.

Why is it so hard to rid myself of anger? Why do I find my mind wandering back to the source of the anger and to the pain it is causing?

Is it not my choice to accept this anger? Is it not my choice to send it on it’s way? Is it not my choice to sit quietly, to meditate on it, to let my body relax and let go of it all?

Anger is a powerful thing. Like all powerful things it takes real concentration, real will power, to stop and think and let go.

“Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you are.”
― Cherie Carter-Scott

I know I am more than my anger. I am more than any one emotion.

Face your anger with truth, calmness and openess. It will reveal the real root of your anger and perhaps THEN you can be free of it. (note to self)

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