Hmmm. That’s weird. Cause in my life it always feels like that. And that’s half of my problem.
My son starts kindergarten in a little over a week. This week he went to “kindie camp” which is for new kindergartners to kind of “learn the ropes”. He did really well 3 days (really really well today) and not so hot the other day. And guess what? I was sitting on the couch last night crying. In part because of his bad day at camp and how worried I am for kindergarten.
See, it’s not JUST kindergarten to us. It’s his first year of real school. It’s his first chance to really love learning in a formal setting. He loves it at home and I don’t want to loose that. It’s his first chance to get to know the kids he will be with for the next several years. And make friends. And not be “that weird kid.” It’s his first chance to really be on his own without an aide or specialist shadowing him all the time like they did in preschool. It’s his first chance to show himself he can be independent. It feels like a lot of pressure for an almost 6 year old, and for me.
Today I realized he is either picking up on my anxiety or has his own anxiety about school. Every day this week he has worried about being late. Even though we are never late. Today he asked me to drive him because it’s what we normally do. (we drove to preschool, or he rode the bus and I drove him home.) We live close enough to walk and we will on normal days because the drop off line is just too ridiculous for me to deal with… but right now there isn’t much traffic there. So we drove. In the car he asked me several times about if he will have friends, talked about how hard it is when he gets angry, etc. I feel badly that a kid has so much anxiety about kindergarten. He is excited too, but he is apprehensive like me.
Then I thought about it.
Guess what? It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s ok to have good days and bad days, and I am going to try to tell him that, without giving him permission to act out or throw fits or get in someone else’s face. I mean, come on, I have good and bad days all the time. Weekly. Some days part is really good and part is really bad. That’s life.
I just hope I can help him to cope with the bad days in a positive way and to enjoy the good days.
That’s all any of us can do, really. Right?