There is something about being sick. I have several friends who have chronic illnesses – things they will never “cure” or “get over”. Things they will just deal with the rest of their lives. I have several of these chronic illnesses as well, and my surgeries and thyroid cancer have changed my body in ways that will never be repaired. I am trying some new things to control my chronic pain issues, and hopefully those will help some.
The funny thing about being sick is that no one understands it. How you are fatigued all the time no matter what you do, how you feel sick every single morning when you wake up and it takes an hour of walking around/stretching/moving/hot showers/dry heaving to be able to move your body without tons of pain. How your body which is supposed to feel 37 somehow feels 80 most days. They don’t understand what it is like to have the local ER docs and nurses recognize you when you walk in. Some people I know have NEVER been to an ER. My husband knows where the coffee, blanket warmer, vending machines, remote controls, patient belonging bags and most comfortable couch are in our ER. And even he doesn’t understand how I feel.
Even someone else with chronic health problems can’t understand your exact problems. I have a friend who has terrible terrible digestive tract health problems and I simply can’t imagine them. I can eat most of what I want and although my body will store every single bit of it, I can eat it without much trouble. Onions and eating out seem to bother me now a days, but this friend – she can’t eat anything. I mean anything without being in pain. See, even sick people have different health issues that they understand better as well.
Tonight I am staying home from a party I really wanted to go to. I haven’t gone to much this last 6 months and I was kind of excited to get out of the house. Mostly I wanted to go because my baby loves parties and we haven’t had enough lately – or been to enough. He loves to dance. He loves the lights and music. He loves seeing the other kids. He loves dressing up and the special glasses and the adults acting silly. He loves a good party. In fact, for a while in his life when he was younger everything was a party. If we were going to the zoo he called it a “zoo party”, if we had ice cream we were having an “ice cream party.” I love that he loves to party. So I wanted to take him and party.
I am home because I have been sick since the end of December. A good 2.5 weeks. I don’t know if I fatigued myself or if something is going on with me. Usually if it’s fatigue I feel better after some time resting. I take a day my hubby is off and spend most of it in bed, I spend much of the day during the next few days literally lying on the couch. I start to feel better. But I have done this and it isn’t helping. I am still sick. This week has been really bad and I know if I had gone it would be very hard on my body. Even to go sit. I have found if I continue just to keep pushing, to force myself to go have fun, to force myself to take my son out, to force myself to get everything done at home… I have found that I make it worse and I have ended up in the hospital or in bed for days a time or two because of it.
So, tonight I am home. And my whole family is at the party. Word is my son made a toast. I can’t wait to see the video.
I am resting. That’s ok, because that’s what my body needs. I am a little sad – I have always been one of those “what am I missing” people. But I am ok.
My husband’s aunt came over to get everyone for the party. She asked me why was I sick. She said she felt sorry for me. The funny thing is, I don’t know why I am sick so much. I am sick all the time with one or another of my chronic problems and honestly I am kind of tired of it. I have gotten somewhat of a handle on my migraines thanks to botox injections, but now I have new problems cropping up. I guess this is just how life is for me and I will just deal with it and continue to do my best to have a healthy lifestyle and feel better.
I have learned one important thing from all of this though.
No one truly appreciates their health until they don’t have it anymore. People treat their bodies terribly (I did) and they go running or go play volley ball with friends or go hang out until 4 am playing video games and they never realize that they have something others don’t.
Please, if you have your health, treat it well. Appreciate it. If you have a body that doesn’t hurt every minute of the day, stop and enjoy that freedom – that comfort – that “not pain” state. If you are healthy, stop – EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. – just once a day – and think of something you are thankful you can do with your body that others can’t. It is a hard thing to appreciate if you haven’t felt poorly before. I just wish I had appreciated it before – had done more with my healthy body. Had treated it better.